Journey to Ukazoo

Slide 15: Spaceburger

I took a room at a Bed & Breakfast in La Canada-Flintridge, California just at the base of the Angeles National Forest. The next day I made my way up 45 minutes of winding roads to the Mount Wilson Observatory. While part of the guided tour in the area that housed the main telescope, we passed a chained off archway leading to a smaller Dome. Inside this dome, connected to a vast array of computers was a very complicated looking telescope. Our guide mentioned that only someone with the highest level security clearance was allowed to look through that telescope.

During a brief moment away from the group, I whispered to the guide, if he let me look I promised I would never tell. He seemed satisfied but needed to confer with several head honcho scientists and security people. The general consensus was , they felt a stronger promise was needed. I offered a Pinkie Swear.

Upon a second conference they concurred that a Pinkie Swear would be acceptable.

Once all visitors had vacated the premises, I was escorted to the special telescope. While setting up to look through the lens, the guide recounted that six months ago, by accident, they spotted an immensely popular little planet co-owned by a prince of sorts. By deciphering intermittent radio frequencies it was believed the “Space Burger” Diner was universally famous for it’s burgers and had t-shirts made proclaiming itself as such.

With word leaking to major Fast-Food Corporations, their lobbyists pressured the Government and FDA to fund a space program to send a spaceship to the planet in question, buy some burgers, transport them back, and run their own in-house taste tests to dispel the “Best Burger” advertising claims. The telescope, meanwhile, was to continue to get a fix on the planets orbit, chart an accurate route, check for any toll stops, and the best times to avoid rush-hour space traffic.

As I was taking this picture through the lens, I happened to noticed several of the local occupants appear to be staring right at me. One in particular started some tapping with his finger against the crater wall.

Recognizing the tapping as Morse code, it read “We deliver, place your order”.

This was rich, but what the heck, I had a small flashlight in my camera case so I held it to the telescope lens and signaled back. “One Cheeseburger, LTM, One fries”. They tapped back CC#EXPDate.

Funny, funny, but I can ride a joke, so I flashed back my credit card number and expiration date. Had my chuckle, thanked the guide for letting me look and left.

Later that night, back in my room, in a comfortable chair, cup of hot chocolate, and a good mystery book, I noticed, for just a split second, a bright White light just outside the bottom edge of my door. I opened the door to an empty hallway but at my feet was a small bag with an attached register receipt.

Lo and behold, in the bag, a cheeseburger and fries.  I looked over the receipt, Burger-$3.95, Fries-$1.65, Delivery $11,345.14. After one of those “Mouth dropping to the floor” moments I relooked at the receipt and noticed the small print at the bottom. “First time customer-Free Delivery”.

It was by far the best burger I have ever had and the fries were pretty good too but relooking at the delivery charge, I don’t think I will place a second order any time soon.

Art notes:

All images and text are copyright Craig L Haupt

Postings of Journey to Ukazoo Slides are every Monday Evening, Except Slide 15 which will post Sunday Morning, Sept. 8